You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
