I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
