does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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