I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
