Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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