Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
