so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Randomize
