Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
