he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
