Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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