Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
