Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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