Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
