Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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