I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
