I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
