gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
