he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
