No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
