remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
