we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
