Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
