Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
