remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
