I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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