girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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