I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
