If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
