she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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