i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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