my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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