I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
