On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
