So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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