he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
