I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
