sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
