girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
