Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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