Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
