i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
