When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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