Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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