This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
