it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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