so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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