I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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