Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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