He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
