I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
