We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
40s are totally the cure
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
