it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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